God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
