is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
