A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
