Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize