Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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