How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
