my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
