i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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