I think im going to throw up on grandma
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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