why do cheetos always look like penises
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
