How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am one with the molecules
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
