xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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