You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
