I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
