I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
