i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
