she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
