I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
