Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
