She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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