wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
