In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
