Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
