then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
