I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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