You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
