Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
