imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
