You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
