what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
