my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
