If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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