Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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