At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
