I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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