the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize