The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
