I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
