That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
