hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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