But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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