Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize