I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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