there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
