i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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