you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
