i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
