yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
