I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
