So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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