I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
