im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
