the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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