So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize