Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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