I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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