I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
pop tarts are not kleenex
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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