How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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