Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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