You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
