I will die if light touches me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
