it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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