first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize