I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
