i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
