He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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