Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Houston, we have a blender
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize