thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
