there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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