ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
