In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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