i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
