the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
