I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
